The headline in the Forward reads: “The Jewish Mother Revisited: Goodbye, Mrs. Portnoy, Hello, Bad Mommy.” A forthcoming book is entitled Hell is Other Parents and Other Tales of Maternal Combustion. An article in the New Jersey Jewish Standard promotes “Helping Kids Thrive With the Coach Approach to Parenting.” On the parenting shelf of the public library sits Straight Talk About Your Child’s Mental Health: What to Do When Something Seems Wrong. Parenting in the Age of Anxiety is extremely stressful.

Three wonderful weeks in Israel this summer reinforced why I love being in Jewish education. Walking the streets of Jerusalem, Haifa or Tel Aviv, sitting in cafes or hiking in the Golan bind us to our history and culture. Our school’s very special partnership with the Reali School in Haifa puts faces on the Israelis for all of us at Wornick; working with their teachers and administrators makes us realize how we share so many similar concerns. We also share a priority for what RAVSAK has long spoken of—amiyut: peoplehood.

Arnee Winshall, the founding chair of JCDS, Boston’s Jewish Community Day School, and a nationally recognized leader in Jewish education, will assume the role of chair of the first RAVSAK Board of Directors at the upcoming annual meeting in January. Working with Executive Director Marc Kramer, Arnee will guide the transition from the original grassroots, Executive Committee structure made up solely of day school professionals to an international governing board of extraordinary lay and professional leadership committed to ensuring the future of RAVSAK.

One goal of all great schools is to establish a good working partnership with parents. Parents are not stockholders with voice and vote on administrative decisions, but they are “stakeholders.” Their large “stake” in the school is that it operates effectively so that their investment with their children and their tuition dollars is rewarded. In this sense, they are also customers or clients, as opposed to “friends” or “family members,” who on occasion expect accommodations from us that are not in either party’s best interest. The satisfaction of customers or clients is important for an operation to prosper.

The interactions between parents and schools occur in two locations: at school itself, where parents come into direct contact with school life, and at home, where children literally and figuratively transport school back to their families in their knapsacks. In the Spring 2008 HaYidion, I argued that day schools have in recent times taken on the roles traditionally played by synagogues in the lives of North American Jewish adults as Beit Knesset, Beit Midrash and Beit Tefillah; they have become places of meeting, study and spiritual inspiration, for adults.

Being a teacher or administrator in a Jewish Day school at a time when Blackberries, Facebook, and Twitter prevail is not easy. It probably wasn’t easy before parents had a myriad of ways to find us, but we live in an age of instant gratification. In other words, parents want to be responded to immediately and we feel in the hot seat to do so.

We know what our parents think…they have no problem picking up the phone and letting me know just what’s on their mind.”
“We’ve surveyed parents before and got about 30-40% to reply.”

At the last RAVSAK conference, Dr. Alex Pomson shared with us research findings on the motivations of parents who enroll their children in our Jewish community day schools. Large numbers come in search of community. Above all else, they wish to be involved in their children’s schooling for both their children’s learning and growth and their own learning and growth.

It is trite but nonetheless true that middle school is all about transitions. Students begin these years as children and end them as young adults. The overt chemical and physical changes that their bodies undergo during these years are complemented by (mostly) unseen mental and psychological development that brings them academically from rote memorizers to abstract thinkers and from children on playdates to teenagers on, well, dates. Indeed, one wag once commented to an audience of public school parents that “middle schoolers come to us as babies—and leave us able to have babies.” While this may scare some of us (or make us glad our children are educated somewhat more insularly), the summary is apt.

Have you kvelled over your children lately and felt a sense of pride at giving them a wonderful Jewish day school experience? Are their teachers filling their heads with more Hebrew and Judaic knowledge than you have, even though they are only in the first grade? Have you shared this with anyone else—grandparents, a neighbor, a colleague, or a friend?

Should parents be board members? Pros: Since parents along with their children are the major consumers of Jewish Day schools, it is vital to the school to listen to their voices. Aside from fulfilling their role as parents, they possess many talents, interests and skills that are valuable assets and can be utilized by the board to fulfill its vision and strategic plan. Building a board is more than simply filling slots. It is about being strategic in the way a board looks at its composition and its operations. A board, under the guidance of its committee of trustees, should continually profile and evaluate its membership. Utilizing this information the board can identify, cultivate, and recruit new members who are well suited to assist the board in meeting its action plan needs. If potential new members are also parents, there could be an additional benefit. Parents have chosen the school as the best place to educate their children. Current parents who are pleased with the school approach their board responsibilities with a unique passion.

I think that all of us who work with parents know that since parents are getting more and more used to being approached about fundraising and are more and more involved in their child’s college experience, there is great potential to engage them as donors.

Last year, the 235-student Hebrew Academy of Morris County (HAMC) in Randolph, New Jersey, decided to take part in the Butterfly Project, launched by the San Diego Jewish Academy with the goal of creating 1.5 million butterflies in memory of all the children who died in the Holocaust. Naomi Bacharach, director of marketing and development at the school, and other administrators did not want students to work on their art projects in a vacuum—they knew the project would have more meaning if they invited grandparents to take part as well, painting side-by-side with the children and sharing their families’ histories.

Early in my career I heard a story of a head of school who sent his children to a different school in town so that the challenges of working as a professional and being a parent would never have to become an issue. In my case it was for precisely the opposite reason that I decided to enter the field of Jewish education… I wanted specifically to be the head of school for my own children’s Jewish community day school experience!

There is something to be said for the old adage that “there are no problem students, only problem parents.”

Listen into any teachers’ lounge conversation or administrative meeting, and it is only a matter of time before the talk veers towards an issue that is on the minds—and the nerves—of virtually every professional working in our schools today: the aggressive and disrespectful behavior of too many … parents. Whether referred to as aggressive, entitled, difficult, adversarial, helicoptering, hovering or high maintenance, such parents have shaken the traditional, deferential relationship between family and school unlike any school-related phenomenon we have seen in recent decades. As noted psychologist and independent school consultant Michael Thompson has stated, “Every teacher [and administrator] has been scarred by at least one threatening out-of-control parent.”

Parents of day school children are, as a rule, idealistic. That idealism shows up in the expectations parents have for their children’s school, which they want to be of the highest quality in both Jewish and general studies. And their idealism underlies their expectations that their own children will not only succeed but excel. And therein lies the root of many problems parents encounter both with the school and their own children.

This column features books, articles, and websites, recommended by our authors and people from the RAVSAK network, pertaining to the theme of the current issue of HaYidion for readers who want to investigate the topic in greater depth.

Parents are definitely an integral part of our school community. We have plenty of programming that is for our children, but also programming that involves and betters our parents, such as Go Far. Go Far focuses on healthy lifestyles for children and their families. The program targets third through fifth grade boys and girls. The children and families commit to a ten week program that meets twice weekly to train for a 5k run.

I find it fascinating that two elderly gentlemen who participated in a significant moment in world history spoke just years apart at a small Jewish high school in Phoenix. Ben Ferencz was a chief prosecutor and Ernest Michel, a survivor of Auschwitz, was a special correspondent, both at the Nuremberg Trials.

In June 2008 Gesher Jewish Day School launched a strategic planning initiative called Destination GESHER! Much of the effort involved listening to Gesher’s stakeholders. These included the parent body, faculty and staff, board of directors, local preschool parents, congregational rabbis, and other members of the community. Many ideas for new initiatives were generated, but what emerged from the parent focus groups ultimately made clear the overriding vision for Gesher.

I lead a program at the Hillel School of Tampa that is a blend of character education and self-development with a heavy mix of Jewish study. It’s been our recipe for a fascinating volunteer program for parents and faculty.

How often have you heard the words “Jewish day school” and “fresh, organic produce” in the same sentence? When I was approached to chair the Community Supported Agriculture Program (CSA) at the King David School (KDS), I jumped at the chance. A CSA is a relationship between a local farmer and the community whereby members receive fresh, organic produce delivered to them on a weekly basis. Most Jewish day schools sell challah each week to enhance the Shabbat experience and raise money for the school. The CSA sells fresh, organic produce to enhance our commitment to eat healthy and raise awareness of our partnership with G-d in caring for the earth and ourselves.